Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
