: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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