Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
