my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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