I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
