He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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