there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
