At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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