she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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