Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
