I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
