Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
