Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
there's paper in my vomit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
