Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
