I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
