a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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