just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are we still banned from the library?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
