There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
