I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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