What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
