My hand turned me down
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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