somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
