I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
