my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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