I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the condom got lost in my hair
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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