When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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