I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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