one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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