You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
