I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
