If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
