He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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