I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
