Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
