There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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