I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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