hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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