how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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