The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
