i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
