Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
