the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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