To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
