I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
