I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just invented taco cereal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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