shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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