Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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