Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
