Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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