don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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