So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
